8

I feel so fucked up..
i keep giving all my heart to someone that i dont even properly know..
I made a bookmark for him..
Then i realize no one really appreciates things i handmake for them..
Always..
I made a book mark for my first crush.. He accepted it happily.. Then something happened.. I dont even know if he kept it..
I made a lot of stuff for people i cared about..
For KL i spent an hour wrapping his gift with paper.. He asked me to keep it for him incase his parents saw the warping cause i signed it "Love, Ck"...
The day before we broke up, he toke it back.. Dunno where it is now..

Now i made a feather book mark for B.. Just needs a ribbon that im going to buy tomorrow.. Made from clay and wires..  Sorry my webcam sucks..

What the hell am i doing with my life.. Why... why... =((

7

When you are short,
You center of gravity is lower,
Making you more stable,
More steady..

Fuck wei..
Lies!!
I jatuh damn easily..

Few weeks ago, i went out with a friend..
I jatuh..
for him..

I wake up thinking about him..
I go to sleep wondering how his day was..

It was really confusing la..
He gave so many signals that i dont really understand..
He told me he misses me once..
He told me he wishes i was there with him for christmas,
He told me "I luv you la"
He told me "i lyke you alot, seriously, but i cant do anything about it"

We smsed each other for a while..
It was "i like you"
Then my reply "I like you too"
Replies was , I like you three",
Then it went on.. Till fourteen.. lol.. I like you fourteen.

Ah well.. It stopped now..
Someone told me i shouldnt be so easily. Wait for him to sms me.
Its been 2 days now since i talked to him.. God..

Where is my heart taking me?
I got 42 more days in malaysia before i leave.. =(

I like you fifteen..

6

Been staying away from things that reminded me of him..
I put away the pencil he gave.. I occupy myself..

Then today.. I drove pass a play ground.. The playground that we both sat for 2 hours talking about his problems.. That was the time we really connected.. Or so what i thought..

All the memories just came back.. And im depressed again..

I still miss him i guess..
but not as much as i used to..
I know he will not want anything to do with me..
Im last month's news...

Not even in his memories i guess...

Fuck it..
Fuck my brain for recalling everything..
Fuck my life... =((

5.

I wasnt okay as i thought i was after all.. Seeing you online after so long... it hurts...
It really hurts..

4

What do you do when you see someone posting messages for your ex?...
Everyday i see messages such as:

"Let me guard it. Your heart."
"Let me be the one... The one that endures the pain, the one that understands you best, the one that love you, unconditionally."
"Without your reply I just can't sleep well... :("

I just bloody hurts to see all these messages...
I cant do anything about it..
I need to control my emotions more.. :(((


I havent talked to him in almost 2 weeks already...
I dunno if the feeling im having now is missing him or what...
Just all mixed emotions again.. :((