Everyday when i see people, big smile on my face.
Always cheerful..

Fuck this..

Just fuck everything now..
Thought occupying myself with work would help, working more then 26 hours a week but it doesn't..
I get home, on my comp and turn to the depressed fuck i am.

Such a hypocrite, telling everyone finding someone isn't your main priority in this stage of life.
I know i am right but still..
Deep down inside i am really wishing for something to happen..

No idea what i am doing these few days..

Seeing him online i always have this stupid mindset that he would talk to me.
Stupid dumb fuck mindset.
Oh wait, he did. He sent a tumbleweed on skype, and never replied.
I bet it was like "oh! leonut is on, might as well play with him".
As everyone does.

I'm tired of putting up a wall of happiness..
I'm tired of wishing for something to happen..
Why can't i just be happy with where i am now?...

Everyday i curl up in my bed, hugging shark tightly telling myself tomorrow would be better..
But it never is..

I want to run away from everything and everyone..
Just to a grassy field and just lie there.. just for a day...
I don't even want to dance anymore....